Grief changes you. It shakes you to your core. You will never be the same after experiencing a great loss.
“But all endings are also beginnings.
We just don’t know it at the time.”
– Mitch Albom
As you go through the healing process, there will come a day when you ask, Who am I now?
So, I ask you, Who do you want to be?
To answer that question, you begin by examining your beliefs. Beliefs about grief. Beliefs about who you are.
Notice your thoughts throughout the day. Because your thoughts become your beliefs. Thoughts inform your emotions. Your emotions influence your actions. Your actions add up to your identity.
Are you someone who believes:
– I’ll never get through this.
– I’ll always be alone.
– I can’t cope.
– I won’t be happy ever again.
– If only…
Or will you be a person who believes:
– I can get through this.
– Someday, I will be happy again.
– I can let go of regret and guilt.
– I am never alone.
Choices shape our identity. The choices we make every second of every day. The small decisions that build our character and shape our reality – day by day, decision by decision.
We each get 1,440 minutes a day. And 525,600 minutes in a year. That’s a boat load of daily micro-decisions.
Think about who you want to be. The type of person you want to become. Because your daily micro-decisions “prove” your beliefs about who you are.
One type of person surrenders to the grief process. They acknowledge their emotions, connect with their body, and get in touch with their inner wellbeing. They receive care from those around them.
Others will resist the process, run from it, bury their emotions, and deny the grief.
You can make daily micro-decisions about how you’ll navigate the grief process. You can choose self-care by meditating, journaling, doing breath work, and getting out in nature. You can opt for compassionate self-talk.
Self-talk is a big part of building our identity. We all talk to ourselves all the time. And grief can bring out the worst messages. We tell ourselves we’ll never feel better. That we can’t cope without our beloved. Or life isn’t worth living.
Instead, make micro-decisions about your self-talk. And here’s a trick on how to do it.
Research shows that speaking to ourselves as another person reduces stress. Address yourself by name instead of using “I.”
For example, if your name is Michael, you can say something to yourself like, “There’s nothing wrong with you, Michael. You’re just grieving.” “Michael, you are never alone!” Best of all, say it out loud.
One of the simplest ways to improve your micro-decisions is by creating a checklist. It will sharpen your focus. You’ll be more aware of what you’re saying to yourself.
List out the things you want to say, about who you are and who you want to become. Daily micro-decisions and practice will change your reality.
Love all around, above, below, to the left and to the right, before you and behind you,
PS – Here’s a music video you might enjoy called 525,600 minutes.
And remember, You Are Never Alone.
If you need help creating a micro-decision checklist of compassionate self-talk, call me.
If you’re struggling with the emotional process of grief...
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