When beginning a grief session with someone, I usually ask, “How are you in this moment?” And then I follow up with, “On a scale of 1-10, how’s your grief?” or “On a scale of 1-10 how much are you missing them?”


Why? Because these questions help focus one on the present moment. The grief process is moment to moment. And change can only happen in the moment.


For some, the answer is WAY beyond a ten!!


Recently a brilliant colleague of mine lost her beloved four-legged baby. He was just a puppy. Young and misdiagnosed. He died of a disease that older dogs get, not puppies.


When we spoke, she talked about feeling gripped by the many facets of grief: anger, sadness, regret, guilt, shame. But mostly, she missed him and longed for him.


We all experience the ache of longing in various ways and for different periods of time. The “missing them” emotion. It’s essential to allow ourselves to feel these emotions. To get them up and out. Sometimes it’s best done with a companion.


So, I offered The Missing Them Scale to my friend and her partner. This is a grief tool to use during the gut wrenching, sad moments.


I suggested they use The Missing Them Scale like this:


When they see or feel tears ask, “In this moment, where are you on a scale of 1-10 in missing our little guy?” (With 10 being huge)


Asking this of one another offers a pause to simply reflect and honestly reply. None of us are mind readers. This simple question increases awareness of where the other is in that moment. To connect with their own personal grief journey.


Consider adding The Missing Them Scale to your grief toolbox


Consider inviting those who love you to ask, “In this moment, where are you on a scale of 1-10 in missing them?”


Post this to your social media. Invite others to a deeper connection with you.


Love all around, above, below, to the left and to the right, before you and behind you,




P.S. – If you haven’t done it yet, go here and take a FREE Grief Assessment

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