Last week we explored the concept that YOU are the place for love to go. This means taking care of your precious self. AKA Self-care.

Grief is a time for self-care. A giant “time-out” that involves balance.

Recently I interviewed my teacher and mentor, Ilana Rubenfeld. She gifted us with a “toolbox” for how to center your life with love and self-care.

The toolbox has fourteen tools. Now, I know that’s way too many for those in grief. Just hearing that number can drain the energy from our already deflated hearts.

So, I’ve selected just one to share with you today. It’s the “tool” that spoke to my heart the most. When reading it, ripples of aliveness zinged through me.

#14. Create A Wish List

Create a list of wishes. Look at this list each day and notice which activity jumps off the page and calls out to you.

Not long ago I met a couple in North Carolina who operate a goat farm and inn. These were on their wish list for years, until they realized they had better fulfill their dreams before it was too late.

No matter your state – Raw, Fragile, or Gentle Grief – you’re entering this new decade as a different person from the one who entered the prior decade.

Loss or no loss, each of us changes whether we want to or not. Sometimes the change is growth, moving forward, stepping up and out. Sometimes we resist the change. Becoming even more shriveled, stuck, and hopeless.


Allow yourself to sit. Enjoy a time-out.


  • Take a deep Centering Breath.
  • Breathe in. (Deep inhale.) Notice the temperature of the air moving in and out your nose.
    Breathe out. (Cleansing exhale.)
  • Relax

Now, simply ponder:

  • What do I wish for this decade?
  • Who am I now?
  • Who would I like to be ten years from now?

Hit reply and share your discoveries and a-ha insights.


Love all around, above, below, to the left and to the right, before you and behind you,