Everyone knows that grief comes unbidden. The common belief is that thoughts always precede feelings, however, when you are grieving, you may not even be thinking about your child, and suddenly there will be a sight, a sound or a smell that will instantly trigger your grief. So, be aware when you are in this place of grief. Cry, wail, sink down, and then, stop, take a breath and use your power of choice. Notice what the trigger was that sparked your grief, and write it down.

Purchase a little spiral notebook or a pocket journal. If you can’t afford that, simply take some sheets of paper, fold them in fours and keep them with you. Every time something triggers this profound sense of grief, write it down. Then the next time you are in that same situation lay down your map, and give yourself the support you need for the grief process.

One of the things you can do to get psychological air from the spiral of mourning when you have that overwhelming feeling of grief, is to literally take a step back. If you are standing there or sitting in a chair, get up and move. Feel your feet as you are moving, and choose a peaceful thought for 10 seconds. Count on your fingers as this time goes by and breathe. Then again take 10 seconds and add them up to become 20, 30, 40, 50 or 60 seconds. When you have taken that one minute for yourself, go look in the mirror, and smile at yourself. You will realize that for one minute you pulled yourself out of the spiral of grief.

Another thing you can do is find a friend. Call one of your friends, because, remember, when you are grieving, all of your friends want to help, but they don’t know what to do. Find a friend and say, “I want to play. I want to be a child. Help me be playful, inquisitive, sparkling, blameless and full of wonder. Let’s go play.” The “I am” statement for this is “I am able to move out of the spiral of grief.”

Now that you have made it through you can anchor that moment by going and looking at yourself in the mirror. Allow that to be your celebration. You can also have a celebration page in your pocket journal, and you can record the day and the date that you made it through.

At that moment you can say, “I am celebrating moving through.

If you’re struggling with the emotional process of grief...

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