Checkin’ Out My Holiday Grief


If pulled, grief is a thread that will leave us naked in song.  – Mark Nepo                                                                              

 My Dear Community,

Holidays re-mind us of days gone by. What we had. Who’s no longer with us. Sadness, loss and longing are often present.

I drove to Cannon Beach early on Thanksgiving morning. I was being called to allow, accept and receive any feelings of grief that this holiday would bring.

You see, Thanksgiving was Mother’s favorite holiday. She loved having family gathered around her table.

After her death in 1997, Dad made certain we still celebrated it “her way.” Little did I know that a year later both Dad and my son, Reed, wouldn’t be with us either.

As I walked the beach, leaning into the sandy wind, I remembered them and my brother, Mark. None would be present at the table tonight.

But I didn’t dread this day. I felt grateful that I would be cooking with my son, Vincent, and then joining friends for an elegant dinner later in the day.

Allowing, Accepting, Receiving

I felt them all near, even though it has been twenty or more years since they died. I simply allowed myself to wonder what Reed would look like. What he would be doing in this world as the charismatic artist he was?

That thought caused the floodgates to open. And I allowed it. I accepted the tsunami of grief. I received the sobs and let my wails release into the stormy seascape.

We each uniquely grieve.  Instead of missing them, they live in my heart. Instead of feeling the loss of their presence, their palpable presence enfolds me. We’re connected.

Mark Nepo writes on grief:

 “I’ve learned that grief can be a slow ache that never seems to stop rising, yet as we grieve, those we love mysteriously become more and more a part of who we are. In this way, grief is yet another song the heart must sing to open the gate of all there is.”

 Sit quietly, and if there is some loss you are grieving allow its feeling to move through.

Breathe evenly, and with each breath, imagine you beloved person, pet or dead dreams still held in your heart.

Rest in knowing that this is the Truth for you in this moment.

Peace and Blessings ALL Over,