Have you ever been doing a mindless task, like washing the dishes, and suddenly found yourself riled up and steaming mad?

And you think, how did I get here? Then, you follow the rabbit trail of thoughts back to the beginning.

Most likely, it all started with a mental picture or memory. Your thoughts begin skipping, hopping, and jumping from one thing to the next. Your emotions get triggered. And, before you know it, your emotional state has altered.

When healing from grief or trauma, a common trap is loop-thinking. That’s when you review the event over and over. There may be repetitive thoughts of, “If only…” or “I should have…? or “What if…?”

And before you know it, you’re swept up in an emotional tsunami of grief or anger.

Remember, emotions are not right or wrong, good or bad. They are information. They’re indicators of internal thoughts and beliefs.


As a grief therapist, you recognize when your clients are stuck in loop-thinking.

The first key to stepping out of the loop is awareness.

It’s what leads to an internal sense of power and self-agency. As your clients become aware of their thoughts, they can examine them with curiosity. Is this thought true? Is it serving me? Can I exchange it for a different thought or reframe it?

Ultimately, you’ll help them discover the underlying beliefs of those thoughts.

Use these simple ABC’s to shift everything:

  • A = Awareness of your thoughts
  • B = Breathe into the emotion – Oh, I’m feeling anxious, angry, blaming, _______ [name the emotion]
  • C = Connect with Curiosity to your body using Cleansing Breath [Listen to the Cleansing Breath audio here. Ask with curiosity, “What would I like to have happen in this moment?”]

Use the ABC tool for yourself or your clients whenever you recognize loop-thinking. It will disrupt the “mean mind” from sweeping you into a tidal wave of emotion. Quickly connect with your body and the calm well-being within.

Love all around, above, below, to the left and to the right, before you and behind you,

If you’re struggling with the emotional process of grief...

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